Early January, my family and I experienced what it was like to have to rush me to the emergency room. As we live in an unincorporated rural area, we are fortunate to have a hospital just over five miles away. The bad news: in the moment that I felt a sudden pop in the middle of my back that caused me to jolt up in bed as a burning, painful pressure akin to a fire hose of fire radiated throughout my shoulders, my chest, and into my teeth and jaw. I had never heard a story that began with “I felt a sudden pop” that ended well. In that moment, 5.6 miles did not feel very close. We made it in 11 minutes.

Not only did both of my biological parents die of massive heart attacks at the age of 68, but my MS is a demanding mistress with a cruel sense of humor. For me, MS has always presented as a potential heart attack and/or stoke from the start. When I asked my neurologist, a.k.a. one of the kindest people on the planet, how I should distinguish a heart attack from the usual unexpected MS fun, given my significant family history, he replied, “Well, ideally, you don’t. A doctor does. But go if you when you experience something that feels different.”

“Something that feels differently than my usual, not-a-heart-attack MS symptoms? I laughed.

“Yes.”

This was definitely something different. Several hours and an array of tests later, the ER staff could find neither a cause nor reason for my pain, my increased rate, or my sudden high blood pressure. As the only facility in the area, however, we were frequent fliers at that particular hospital. From the front desk, to the ER nurses, to the on-call doctors, every one is always kind, warm, and friendly. I am most grateful to Ms. Samantha for care and compassion on one of my scariest days in recent memory. ❤

When the doctor finally returned, he looked puzzled: “Well, you are very healthy despite having MS. I can give you a 30 day prescription to bring your blood pressure down, but that’s about it.”

But they had done more than that. They made sure that I was okay in a moment that I was not. Concerned friends, family, and colleagues always ask what MS is like for me. Unfortunately, it takes reading an entire blog to discover one tip of the iceberg. From a descriptive phenomenological perspective, my MS is like feeling as if you are on the verge of a seizure, a heart attack, a stroke, and passing out at the same time at any given moment as the result of a 0.5 degree temperature difference.